Noa's Ark
by Crazycakes
Summary: [Contains YYxY, BxR, and YMxM] Yep, thats right. I've taken Noa Kaiba and forced him build a boat! This the lovley YuGiOh version of the biblical story 'Noah's Ark'. Have fun.
1. Noa's Ark

This is what being horribly bored does to your imagination.  
  
//Yami to hikari//  
  
/Hikari to yami/  
  
'Thoughts'  
  
"Speech"  
  
*Used for emphasis*  
  
~*~*Scene Change*~*~   
  
Noa's Ark  
  
By HikariEryaviel  
  
It first came to him in a dream. A dream that only Noa could receive. He was warned that the Shadow Realm would open, and all of the monsters would come out like a flood and wreck havoc upon the occupants of Earth. The dark realm would consume everything until all that was left would be shadows and monsters controlling everyone and everything.  
  
~*~*~  
  
'Where...Where am I?'  
  
Noa observed his surroundings. It was dark and gray, with almost no light to see by. Black and white swirled around him in dizzying waves until he started to feel motion sick. And even then, it wouldn't stop.  
  
From somewhere up above him, Noa heard a loud, booming voice call out to him.  
  
"NOA...NOA...YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN. YOU ARE THE CHOSEN ONE. THE CHOSEN OUT OF ALL OF THE CHOSEN PEOPLE. THE ONE WHO HAS BEEN CHOSEN. CHOSEN YOU HAVE BEEN. HAVE CHOSEN YOU BEEN. YOU BEEN CHOSEN HAVE. ONE OF CHOSEN YOU ARE. DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE TO DO NOA?"  
  
The blue haired boy blinked, then spoke.   
  
"No. And who the hell are you?"  
  
"DON'T YOU RECOGNISE ME, NOA? I AM THE ALMIGHTY AMON-RA, AND I HAVE COME TO SUCK YOUR BLOO- wait, I, umm...oh yeah. I AM RA, AND I HAVE CHOSEN YOU TO DO A THING OF GREAT IMPORTANCE. SOON, THE SHADOW REALM WILL BE OPEN, AND YOU MUST HELP WI-  
  
"-Wait. The Shadow-what?" Noa was confused.  
  
"THE SHADOW REALM, DUMBASS. IT HAS LOTS OF SHADOWS AND EVIL MONSTERS AND THINGS IN IT. BUT, AS I SAID BEFORE, NOA, YOU MUST HELP THE YAMI/HIKARI PAIRS OF THE MORTAL WORLD. NOA, YOU MUST BUILD AN ARK, THEN YOU MUST PUT THE PAIRS OF PEOPLE INTO THE ARK, AND THEN THE SHADOW REALM WILL DEVOUR THE EARTH."  
  
Noa was still confused. "So, the Shadow Realm is taking over Earth?"  
  
Ra sighed. "CORRECT."  
  
"...And there are going to be a bunch of monsters eating us all alive?"  
  
"YES, THAT IS ALSO CORRECT."  
  
"...And there are only three current Yami/Hikari pairs on the planet right now, right?"  
  
The God was getting impatient. "YES, ALL OF THESE THINGS ARE TRUE. WHAT IS YOUR POINT?"  
  
"I just want to know why the hell we need a boat."  
  
Ra blinked. "THAT IS NOT OF IMPORTANCE. NOW GO MAKE A DAMN ARK, PUT THE PEOPLE IN IT, AND SAIL, DAMMIT!"  
  
"Okey-dokey."  
  
"YOU KNOW, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE EVIL. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?"  
  
"Well, it all started when I was 13. You see, my father decided to take me to Flamdonalds. I got one of those freaky Handy Meals, and I choked on the toy. But you see, the toy had toxic chemicals in it that made me go insane. So now here I am, nice, happy, loving, and being forced to build a damn boat that I'll probably never need."   
  
"...HOW COULD YOU HAVE CHOKED ON A TOY WHEN YOU WERE 13? I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD BY 12."  
  
"I *was* dead. My stupid father must've given my memory the toy then."  
  
"THAT MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL."  
  
"I've never made sense. Hell, right now I'm supposed to be in a microchip at the bottom of the ocean."  
  
"GOOD FOR YOU THEN."  
  
"Y'know, you could make this easier for me and just flood the world in water so I could go drown myself and finally be back where I belong."  
  
"BACK WHERE YOU BELONG? THAT SOUNDS LIKE A REALLY BAD LINKIN PARK SONG. I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO TAKE OVER KAIBA CORP. AND GET BACK AT GOZUBURO FOR SOME REASON OR ANOTHER."  
  
"No I've decided to stop my evil ways and settle down with my lover."  
  
The God cringed. "YOU HAVE A...LOVER? WHO?"  
  
"Who do you think? Jesus, I've only known a few people in the short years that I've lived. It has to be someone I know. Guess."  
  
"GOZUBURO?"  
  
"That's disgusting."  
  
"A STRIPPER?"  
  
"No."  
  
"PEGASUS?"  
  
Noah shuddered. "...Just how much more nasty can you possibly get?"  
  
"THEN WHO IS IT?"  
  
"Well it's the most beautiful man in the world of course!"  
  
"MAN? SO YOU ARE GAY."  
  
Noa decided not to confirm the Gods statement, so he instead snapped his fingers and his lover appeared at his side. "Isn't he just so damn sexy?" The person Noa was referring to took a look at his surroundings and clamped his hand around the blue haired boys' hand.   
  
"...THIS IS INCEST."  
  
"Not quite." The unknown man answered. "Where are we?"  
  
"YOU ARE IN MY REALM. I AM RA, AN ALMIGHTY GOD, AND NOA HERE IS THE CHOSEN PERSON. NOA IS THE CHOSEN ONE. THE CHOSEN OUT OF ALL OF THE CHOSEN PEOPLE. THE ONE WHO HAS BEEN CHOSEN. CHOSEN NOA HAS BEEN. HAS CHOSEN NOA BEEN. NOA BEEN CHOSEN HAS. HAS NOA BEEN CHOSEN. ONE OF CHOSEN NOA IS. NOW, NOA, YOU MUST BUILD AN ARK. GO! GO NOA, AND NEVER RETURN!"  
  
The voice of Ra faded out and Noa clutched at his koi's sleeve, dragging him out of the door behind them that conveniently led them out of the dream.  
  
The person being dragged spoke. "What the hell is going on?"  
  
Noa answered, "I'll explain it later, but for right now, we have to build an Ark. C'mon Seto."  
  
~*~*The Next Day. Approximately 2:38 PM*~*~  
  
Noa wiped his hands on his blindingly white shorts. "Well, it took all day, but we're almost finished." He looked over at some hired workers, along with Seto and Mokuba crowded around a gigantic boat, and took another sip of his lemonade.   
  
"Are you guys done yet?"  
  
"Yeah," Seto replied, panting slightly from all the hard work, "And no thanks to you either."  
  
The blue haired boy just smirked. "Now, now Seto. You don't want to sleep on the couch tonight, do you?"  
  
"Iie."  
  
"Then stop your complaining. For your information, I HAVE been doing work."  
  
Seto did a quick mental check of the boy, who was sitting on a lawn chair, tanning, sipping cup of lemonade.  
  
"Uh huh. Sure."   
  
Noa continued on. "I've been looking to see when the Shadow Realm is going to gobble us up!"  
  
Seto mocked interest. "Oh, wow! Have you found anything yet?"  
  
"No, but I keep seeing this thing in the sky that looks like a piece of crap."  
  
"How nice. Well, what do we do now that we've made the boat?" Seto asked, quickly changing the boring subject.  
  
"Oh, we have to get all of the Yami/Hikari pairs into the ark." Noah replied.  
  
"Seto jumped up from the spot on the lawn-chair he had recently sat down on. "Then let's go!"  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Ding! Ding! Ding!  
  
The sound of a doorbell was heard throughout the small house. When the door was opened, Seto, Noa, and Mokuba (who has had his tongue cut out, and therefore, cannot talk) were greeted to a partially naked, disheveled, cranky, spiky-haired Pharaoh.   
  
Noa greeted him, oblivious of the fact that he just interrupted something. "Hiya Yami!"  
  
The Pharaoh, instead of answering, surveyed the outside of the house lazily. His eyes eventually stopped on a large object. He lifted his eyebrows in surprise.  
  
"...Why is there a boat in the driveway?"  
  
Noa, as cheerful as could be, happily answered, "Because we drove it here of course! Now you and your hikari have to get in there and stay in it for a long time!"  
  
Yami no Yuugi just gave them a strange look and turned towards the house and yelled into the open front door.   
  
"Aibou! Get out here! We're going on some boat thing!"  
  
Yuugi appeared at the doorway, looking just as disheveled as his yami, except for the fact that instead of wearing pants, he was wearing a big comforter around his waist. He yawned.  
  
"What is it now, Yami? My back hurts. Lemme' go lie back down..."  
  
The older boy picked his small hikari up and cuddled him to his chest. Yuugi yawned. As soon as Yami made sure the boy was comfortable, he turned to Noa and started conversing again. "Why do we have to go on a boat? And have you seen the shit?"  
  
Seto put a hand over Noa's mouth to stop him from talking, and answered himself. "Well, you must get on the boat because the Shadow Realm will unleash all of the Duel Monsters and kill you. And as for the shit, if you mean the shit that is in the sky, Noa has the hunch that it is the first sliver of the Shadow Realm opening up to Earth."  
  
Yami paused. "...The Shadow Realm doesn't look like shit."  
  
Seto sighed. "Well, that's Noa for you."  
  
Yami no Yuugi gave Seto a strange look and said, "If the Realm ever opened up again, I could just close it..."  
  
Noa screamed at the idea. "NO! You must get in the ark! Or I'll-"  
  
Yami snickered. "Or you'll do what?"  
  
"I'll, I'll...strip down to my panties and give you a lap dance!"  
  
Yami sent a cold glare to the boy, and Yuugi looked like he was going to be sick. Seto, however, looked interested.  
  
"You will? Really?"  
  
Noa 'hmphed' and Yuugi laughed. The hikari suddenly turned gaze towards Noa, his brow furrowed into a questioning glance "You wear panties?"  
  
His Yami snickered.  
  
Noa blushed and looked away, suddenly coming up with many gruesome ways to capture and torture the boy. Yami chucked evilly, and Mokuba said something that sounded like, "Gam coo aah u feyl! Mecs blo nou ca dflac." And walked over to the boat.   
  
Seto seemed to understand the tongue-less boy, and headed towards the ark, too. Noa, having no idea what just happened, ran over to Seto and latched onto his arm. Yami and Yuugi, for lack of better things to do, followed them into to ark, and they all drove off into the sunset.  
  
~*~*At the Ishtar residence*~*~  
  
As the arks' occupants unloaded themselves onto the driveway, they saw something quite peculiar in the sky.  
  
Yuugi, still being held by his yami, looked up and pointed. "Hey look, the shit has gotten bigger!"   
  
"Aibou, don't cuss."  
  
"But- it's getting bigger!"  
  
Noa looked up. "By Jesus! It is getting bigger!"   
  
Yami looked up, 'hmphed', and then looked to the house. He could have sworn he was hearing strange noises coming out of it.  
  
He raised his eyebrows. "Y'know, I think we might have a bigger problem on our hands..." He said, figuring out what the noises were.   
  
Noa, being the stupid mortal that he was, went to the door and knocked on it. Yuugi, also figuring out what was going on, simply sweatdropped.   
  
Mokuba spoke up. "M'kow, u jinc ter nagin sex."   
  
The pharaoh gave the boy a weird look. "How come you can say 'sex' right, but not anything else?" Mokuba shrugged.   
  
Just in case you were wondering, Seto was sleeping with his eyes open.  
  
Still not catching on to what everyone was saying, Noa went and opened the door. There were mixed reactions as everyone saw what was inside.   
  
Yuugi squeezed his eyes shut and gagged.  
  
Yami blinked a few times and then turned around and headed back to the ark, not saying a word.  
  
Seto, although sleeping, scrunched up his nose in disgust.  
  
Mokuba spewed all over the floor.  
  
And Noa...squealed in delight. "Oh goody! The two other yami/hikari pairs are *both* here, so now we don't have to go look for Ryou and Bakura! How convenient!"   
  
Mokuba was staring at Noa. He shook his head at him and walked through the door.  
  
  
  
The four people didn't even look up from...what they were doing, when the rest of the group walked in.   
  
Noa, happy as ever, went of to the four people in the room. When he saw what they were doing, he became sad. "That's so mean! You guys are hugging without me!" And he jumped into the pile of bodies. (o.O)  
  
After the group was...done, Bakura looked up at Seto (who was adverting his eyes), and gave him a questioning look. "Hey, Kaiba. Have you seen the shit?"  
  
Shaking his head, and without saying a word, Seto picked them up (including Noa and the spewing Mokuba), and threw them on the ark (They all had blankets around them). As they dove off, the shit suddenly became really big and sucked up the boat.  
  
~*~*On the Ark*~*~  
  
Finally, everyone had seemed to calm down after the Shadow Realm had sucked up the ark. They were all sitting in a circle (most of them were only covered in blankets), and looking at one another. Yuugi, who had been sitting on Yami's lap the entire time, yawned. At this, everyone looked at him and then proceeded to fall to the floor, dead tired. Someone mumbled. "Msk gof ma kuja..."  
  
Then a small chorus of voices mumbled back. "Shuddap Mokuba."   
  
And they all fell asleep.  
  
~*~*Day 20 on the ark*~*~  
  
There was much yelling of betting large sums of money from the group that was crowded around the small table. There were hoards of shot glasses gathered around two certain people, and much madness was going on.  
  
Yuugi was yelling the loudest. "C'MON YAMI!!! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!" They had long since abandoned the shot glasses, and were now downing as many gallons of beer as they could. Ryou was also shouting at his own yami. "YOU STUPID WHITE HAIRED THUG! DRINK MORE, DAMMIT!!!" Ryou picked up the next bottle of beer and practically jammed it down Bakura's throat. Bakura however, couldn't down anymore of the liquid, so he spewed it up (much like Mokuba did), all over the table. Yuugi, however disgusted he may have been, squealed and glomped his yami.  
  
/You did it! You're the best! You beat that sucker!/  
  
//...Aibou...please don't shake me like that...//  
  
Suddenly, a booming voice could be heard coming from the heavens.  
  
"YOU ARE NOT TO DRINK ALCHOHOL IN MY PRESENCE! YOU MUST BE PUNISHED!"  
  
They all suddenly dropped to the floor.  
  
~*~*Day 39 on the ark*~*~  
  
It was approximately 4:47 in the afternoon when the occupants of the ark (still only clothed in blankets) woke up from their sleep. It was actually Malik who woke up first. Just like he used to do at home, he started singing.   
  
"The sun will come out, tomorrow, bet you bottom dollar that, tomorrow, THEY'LL BE SUN!!!!"   
  
A boot was suddenly thrown at his head and he was rendered unconscious.  
  
Yami no Yuugi sighed and looked over at the boot thrower. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'd like to thank your shoe, Tomb Robber."  
  
The person in question just shrugged. He then asked no one in particular. "Why don't the Pharaoh and I have hangovers?"   
  
"Because we're special, baka."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"...No."  
  
He pouted.  
  
Ryou picked up on the question. "Seriously though, why don't they?"  
  
Yuugi stated the obvious. "Because you probably slept it off in the," He looked at his watch and did some calculating in his mind, "19 days that we've been sleeping."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Well, in any case," Yami said, "19 days isn't an even number, and if I'm going to be asleep for a long time, then I'm going to be asleep for and even amount of days. So g'night."  
  
There were mumbles of confused agreement as they all settled back into a slumber.  
  
~*~*Day 40 on the ark*~*  
  
Noa woke up feeling happy as ever. 'Today is a good day!' he thought, as he ran around squealing.  
  
A boot was also thrown at this ones' head, but it missed.  
  
There was a chorus of "Damn's" and one "Mfoom" as the occupants that used to be sleeping watched the boy run around, unharmed.  
  
Marik decided to question the blue-haired boy. "What in the nine hells are you so happy about?"   
  
The boy just smiled and ran towards Marik, jumping up and down. "Well, it's easy to be happy! We get to get off of the ark today!"   
  
Everyone, forgetting they were tired, erupted in cheers at this statement.  
  
Ryou jumped up and yelled, "Well, c'mon! What are we waiting for?" And he ran to the exit.   
  
But, before he could get there, Noah caught his shirt to stop him from leaving. "We can't leave yet, silly!" Everyone groaned. And a few 'Why the hell not's?' erupted from the small room.  
  
Noa sighed, and explained, "We have to send a bird out to find dry land first, sillies!"   
  
A suspicious "We've been on dry land this entire time!" came from somewhere in the room, but Noa ignored it. However, when someone asked where he was going to get a bird from, he happily answered.  
  
"Well, it's not exactly a bird, but it'll work just as well!"  
  
He whistled, and suddenly, they were on the port side of the ark, looking at a winged Duel Monster. Everyone sweatdropped. Marik quipped, "Why a Curse of Dragon?"   
  
Noa beamed happily at the Monster. "Because he's my best friend!" And before anyone could say anything, Noa tied a piece of ribbon to the Curse of Dragon, and told him to fly off and look for dry land.   
  
However, Noa had accidentally tied the ribbon around his own wrist, and when the Curse of Dragon took flight it took Noa with him. Noa's body weighed down the monster, so the two crashed into a tree. Noa let out a hoarse "...I found...dry...land." before he fell over and died.  
  
  
  
Then everyone celebrated and made made stick homes.  
  
Then they all fucked happily ever after.  
  
The End. 


	2. Thank You's

Just a couple of thank-you's for the first bunch of people that read this fic. I am eternally grateful to you all. And, as promised, here are all of your kawaii lil' hugging Yami/Yuugi plushies! *hands plushies over* And the first three (well, four) people that reviewed (LightOfDarkness, Hoku-sama, Mojobubbles and Kamilah) , get extra Ryou/Bakura plushies, Malik/Marik plushies, free brownies, and Pixi Stix! My yami baked the brownies himself! Get out here Lyith! (*grumbles are heard in the background*) Hey, don't call me that! (*more grumbles*) Okay that's it, no more hot chocolate for you! *sighs* He really is a good cook, though...Oh, *cocks rifle* I'm goin' Anzu huntin' later. Anyone care to join me?   
  
Okey-dokies! Here's the thank you's:   
  
LightofDarkness: I'm glad you found this so funny. I doubt my others are anywhere near as good as this one, but you can give them a try. My CCS fics are better. Trust me. But this one is my favorite! *hugs fic* It's my baby!   
  
Hoku-sama: You liked that line too? That one was probably my favorite. I'm quite proud of that, actually. It came to me in a dream. Imagine that. Though, my dreams do tend to be on the odd side. I'm suprised I thought of something as sane as that. ^_^  
  
  
  
The Perpetually Hyper One: Happy B-day! Don't mind the pervertedness. It's just the usual me. Plus, it usually makes things funnier, so meh. ^_^  
  
  
  
The Forgotten Pencil: No one loves Noa anymore...  
  
  
  
Stupid Person: I'm the best? How nice. Though I doubt you mean it, its the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me! So I'm not the best, YOU'RE the best! *cries* ^_^ Arigato for the review.  
  
  
  
Hazzy: *sighs* Yes, I know that was odd. That was the point. And guess what? I didn't steal yur idea this time! XD And make sure you bring your speakers to school on Monday. I want to listen to the 'Freaky Evil Friendship Song of Doom'! That song is spiffy. ^_^  
  
  
  
Okaey-day then. thats it for now. I hope you all like your plushies! Arigato!  
  
  
  
Ja ne minna! 


End file.
